To find a home
by HannahScho
Summary: Silent Witness fan fiction -Harry/Nikki- starts where series 13  episode "Home - part 2"  ended.    I have only recently been watching SW and got hooked.
1. Home?

"Will I be back?" Nikki wondered, as she went down in the elevator and then got into the taxi to the airport, Anton's last words to her still echoing in her ear. She loved coming back to Cape Town but did she still really belong here? Cape Town wasn't home anymore. The childhood feeling of security and love and being at home, that was the past. Being with Anton these past few weeks she thought she had gotten that back but had she really? Yes, Cape Town was familiar and there would always be a sense of home and belonging, but the times had changed. She had grown up, built up a whole different life in London. Nikki stared out the window, looking around the city she loved so much. When in London she always seemed to be yearning for South Africa and now that she was here and after all that had happened with Anton she suddenly missed her life in London. Nikki continued staring out the window. When on earth had London become home? What made London feel more like home now than South Africa? It felt almost sacrilegious to even be thinking this!

Nikki's phone rang. "Oh please, don't let it be Anton!" she thought as tears filled her eyes. It didn't matter how betrayed she had felt by Anton, she couldn't just flick a love switch off, she felt raw and shaken. She looked at the caller id and smiled though the tears to see it was Harry.

"Hi Harry," she answered.

"You sound odd!" he immediately blurted out, "Are you aright?"

"I'm fine" she gulped and cleared her voice.

"Right, yes, you sound just dandy! So, what's this Leo just told me, you're flying to London today?"

"Mmm" she agreed.

"My, you're chatty… You couldn't hold out two days longer and fly with us as planned? Now I have to sit through hours of chat on calcification and entry and exit wounds and splatter patterns from Leo."

Nikki laughed.

"That sounds better" Harry said and she could hear the smile in his voice before he continued, "So, what's the rush, what are you running away from?"

"I just… needed space after all these weeks here. A lot has happened and I need to think and I can't do that with Anton breathing down my neck…" Nikki said.

"And an attractive neck at that, I don't blame Anton for breathing on you. Was it heavy breathing?" Harry asked innocently.

Again Nikki laughed out loud.

"Well, come on, Nikki, details! You and he are an item, right?"

"Not anymore… yes, we… I'm not sure..." Nikki faltered

"Ah, now that's the story, right there! So, lover's tiff and now you're leaving?" he asked.

"I suppose so. Harry, I really don't want to go into all that right now…" Nikki started, feeling her throat constrict again.

"I should sock the man in the jaw for hurting you…" Harry muttered, then continued more cheerfully, "Then again, he is an ex-Scorpion so I'm not sure how well I'd come out of such an event …"

Nikki smiled through the tears that had started to form again, "Ever the protective gallant friend. Thanks, Harry, but I think I can fight my own battles. In any case, I just need to get away from Anton, from South Africa, and think, so I called the airport and I can fly out today."

"Alright, well, I guess that's that then… but you owe me a drink when we get back to London!"

"I owe you a drink? Whatever for?"

"For standing Leo and me up. And I promise I will pass on every morsel of Leo's great knowledge, so you can suffer as I will."

Nikki grinned, "Alright, it's a deal."

"And try not to think too much about live bodies of possible ex-boyfriends on your flight home, just concentrate on all the dead ones as is your job as a forensic pathologist!"

"Will do!" Nikki grinned. "Thanks for calling, Harry"

"Have a good trip and please don't start flirting with the pilot, I'm counting on you landing safely." Harry quipped.

"Only if you promise to leave the stewardesses alone!" Nikki retorted.

"Oooh, that's a tough one… Tell, you what, I'll only look at the ones who work in the back and don't go into the cockpit distracting the pilots."

Nikki laughed. "I suppose if she's 25 and well endowed you won't be able to help yourself anyhow."

"Well, you can't stop a man from looking, now can you? As I recall pointing out to you once before, it's all poetry and love and art in motion."

"Ha, yes, we all know that theory!" Nikki laughed. "Oh, here's the airport, I've got to go. Bye Harry!"

"Have a safe trip and see you in London." Harry said and they both hung up.

Nikki got out of the taxi, smiling to herself. Harry always had that knack of knowing how to cheer her up and make her feel better.


	2. Friends

Thoughts about Anton and South Africa swirled around in her head but she was none the wiser after two days of thinking in circles. She was stuck. Yes, she wanted to be with Anton, she had fallen in love with him. He was gentle, intelligent, committed but she just couldn't get past the feeling of betrayal and she couldn't get past the idea that Anton would mess with nasty politicians just to further his company. Where was the morality in that? If Anton couldn't be honest with her from the start, if she questioned his moral compass, what would their future bring? She thought of Anton coming to England but she just could not picture him and his girls here, that wouldn't work, he didn't fit here. And did she really want to live in South Africa again? If she had been asked a few months ago she would have said yes, but now she wasn't so sure. What was it she was hoping to find in South Africa? The happiness, security and carefree feeling of childhood? She was a grown up now, being completely carefree would never enter into it again. Then again, she did love the warmth of South Africa, the vitality, the colourfulness, the people. London was so different in that sense and yet she had come to feel so at home here as well. What was it that made her want to stay here?

As the kettle boiled for tea she broke off that trail of thought and decided to call Janet. Leo and Harry would be arriving in the afternoon and what Nikki suddenly craved was some Harry-therapy, oh and Leo-therapy as well she quickly added. She had hardly seen them in South Africa and missed them. They made London home to her as well, they were like family, she quickly concluded her earlier trail of thought. She called Janet and asked if she could meet up with her at the airport to pick up Leo and Harry. Besides, it would make it easy for Janet, she could take Leo home straight away and wouldn't have to drop Harry off at home first. Nikki could do that. Janet was very pleased with this construction.

At the airport gate Janet and Nikki were so deep in chat they almost missed Leo and Harry coming out. They looked up as Leo called out to Janet. Nikki smiled at him and looked behind him to find Harry. He followed a few seconds after. Nikki caught Harry's eye just as he was looking around and was pleased to see the surprise and then his joyful smile as he set eyes on her again. Janet received a big Harry-smile as well but she was too busy already flying into her Leo's arms, kissing him so Harry pulled Nikki towards him into a friendly embrace. Nikki rewarded him with a quick welcome home peck on the cheek. She then turned to Leo for a hug who said, "To what do we owe this honour, Nikki? You did know Janet was coming to pick us up?"

"Yes, but I thought…" Nikki smiled

"She's driving Harry home so you and I can have time alone together as soon as possible." Janet winked at Leo.

"Ah!" Leo smiled.

"Oh, such an honour to be driven home by the pathologist who identified the Kensington 5 in South Africa!" Harry quipped.

"Shut up and come on." Nikki said, rolling her eyes.

Once in the car Harry said, "So, how's your focus on dead bodies going as opposed to the focus on live, possibly scorpion, bodies?"

Nikki gave a weak smile, "Alas the dead bodies seem to be losing out."

Harry grabbed her hand. "You will be alright, you know. Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

Nikki just smiled and shook her head, withdrew her hand and shifted the car into gear to get going.

"How did you enjoy South Africa?" she asked him just so she could change the topic.

Harry grinned, "Very much! Your friend Sara Laurence and her boyfriend Pieter were great to stay with. They have a bit of a volatile relationship going which is a lot of fun to observe. And Sara is amazing; I can see how she must have instilled a passion for what you do in you."

"Yes, she was an excellent teacher and mentor. She really did teach me all she knew and I miss her when I'm here. I didn't nearly see enough of her in Cape Town this time around!" Nikki said wistfully.

"She's not too keen on you and Anton," Harry said, studying Nikki's profile.

"Yes, I know. She didn't say it outright to me but I have heard some critical notes on him from her. But then, I can't let my friends dictate who I fall in love with."

"Fall in love with?" Harry asked, a little surprised, "I didn't realize it was that serious…"

Nikki just stared at the road ahead, tight lipped.

They changed the subject and spoke of other things but in time Harry got back to the topic occupying both of their minds. "So, are you thinking of going back to Anton and to South Africa?"

"Possibly! What's it to you?" Nikki asked defensively.

"Shoot me for being a friend and caring!" Harry retorted. "Does Leo know?" he added.

"Well, I haven't decided yet…" Nikki said.

"Oh…" he said and both remained silent as Nikki drove on.

It took a little while before Harry broke the silence again with, "Well, I suppose if the team is breaking up I could look into that American opportunity again I had a few years back."

"You still think about that?" Nikki asked surprised.

"Well, no, not until just now…"

"Poor Leo…"

"Yes, well you'd be the first one to bail out…"

"I'm not bailing out! You know, maybe Anton will come and live here!" she said defiantly.

"Are you sure he will give up his career and turn his daughters' worlds upside down for you?" Harry asked incredulously.

"No," Nikki said softly, "I wouldn't want him to."

"But you, of course, can easily give up your life here and you can't wait to get back to your roots in South Africa, I bet. You love it there so much, don't you? There's nothing to keep you here, so why not just take the next flight out if you love this man so much?" Harry said agitatedly.

"It's not that easy!" Nikki said heatedly. "I do have my life here and I do love working at the Lyell Centre, it wouldn't be easy to walk away."

"No," Harry said just as heatedly, "but for the love of your life it would be worth it, wouldn't it?"

Nikki pulled up in front of Harry's flat just as he said that and turned in her seat to look at him.

"Would you?" Nikki asked.

"Oh geez, Nikki, I can't answer that for you!" Harry answered, exasperated. "I'm not the one in love with a man in South Africa!"

"No, but hypothetically, what would you give up for the woman you love?" Nikki asked, now seriously curious. "I mean, have you never been so much in love you'd do anything for the lady in question?"

"And that's how you feel about Anton? You would do anything for him?" Harry deflected the question, not ready to talk about what he would do for love. He held her gaze until she turned away and looked down.

"I don't know. I haven't known him long enough."

"Well, how long do you have to know someone before you know whether you love him enough, 5 weeks or 5 years?" Harry asked. He then suddenly shifted in his seat as if feeling uncomfortable and quickly opened his door and got out of the car.

Nikki got out as well.

"Let's stop this discussion now," she said, "because we are going in circles here as much as I have been going around this in circles in my mind."

"Good idea," Harry quickly agreed, "I'm not good at girlfriend chats, you need to talk to Sara or whoever you chat with about your love life."

Nikki smiled. "I have a pretty good idea about what Sara would have to say about all this."

"Good, then listen to her!" Harry said cheerfully, taking his suitcase out of the trunk of the car. "Do you want to come up for a drink?" he asked.

"You must be exhausted and besides I owe you a drink, you don't owe me one!"

"Well, buy a bottle of wine somewhere and I'll recap all of Leo's conversation on the plane and we should be all set." Harry grinned.

"You sure? You are not too tired?" Nikki asked. She wanted nothing more than that. She had come to pick him up at the airport because she'd missed him and the talk in the car had been unsettling when all she wanted was the "Harry-therapy" she'd initially craved. She needed to be cheered up and Harry was always the first one to turn to in such a crisis.

Harry nodded. "I'm not too tired, I'm sure."

"Alright, I'll be back in a jiffy!" Nikki smiled and ran off to buy the wine.

The rest of the afternoon and evening at Harry's was just what she needed, with chat, and laughs and wine and takeaway Chinese and lounging on the couch together watching a DVD and no talk of Anton or South Africa.


	3. Anton

It was wonderful to get back to work again at the Lyell Centre after all those weeks she'd been away in South Africa. She, Harry and Leo quickly settled in to their old work routine and the Friday evening drinks together. Harry kept on pestering Nikki with lines such as, "It's raining today in Cape Town, aren't you glad you're here today in sunny London?" or "Look at all the equipment here, so much more than you'd have in Cape Town" or

"When you're in Cape Town, who will you be able to tease like Leo?" or

"If you think this is hectic" (in South African accent), "then wait till you start work with Sara!"

Never once did they touch on the subject seriously, however, and as time passed and Nikki didn't hear from Anton the wound started to heal and she believed she would never have to make this choice. That is, until 4 weeks later on a Friday afternoon, Anton himself walked in to the Lyell Centre.

Harry and Nikki were sitting side by side, closely pouring over a file together when Leo came up behind them and announced, "Well, look at the surprise visitor we have here!"

Nikki and Harry turned and both froze at the sight of Anton. Anton smiled and said,

"Hello Nikki! And Harry, right?"

Both smiled in response and Anton then stepped forward and kissed Nikki on the cheek and shook Harry's hand.

"We'll leave you to it, then," Harry said briskly, pulling Leo along and starting out the room.

"Harry?" Nikki said, stopping Harry in his tracks and making him face her again, "We need to finish the Johnson file, don't go far?" He curtly nodded before heading away again and Nikki was alone with Anton.

"What are you doing here? I hear nothing from you for weeks and then you just turn up here?" she asked Anton, all annoyed.

"Please, Nikki, I have been thinking a lot over the past few weeks and I have made up my mind that I need to fight for you."

"It won't work, Anton!" Nikki sighed.

"Why not? We can find a way?" Anton said.

"I don't know…"

"If you really love me as I love you we can find a way," he stated, stepping close to her searching her face.

"I don't know," Nikki repeated softly but could say no more as Anton gathered her into his arms and kissed her. Nikki let it happen but the kiss was short lived as they heard a rasping of a voice and Harry saying curtly, "Don't let me get in the way, I just want this file."

Nikki quickly disentangled herself from Anton and blushed.

Harry studied her closely and then softly added while putting the file back down, "I'm going home, Nikki. The Johnson file can wait till Monday."

"No, really, we should…" Nikki started.

"I think you have other priorities now," Harry interrupted looking to Anton and then back at Nikki.

Nikki pushed her lips together and nodded. "Excuse me to Leo for our Friday night drinks?" she added.

"Will do," Harry said and added flippantly, "Enjoy the, uh, conjugal visit, Anton!"

"Harry!" Nikki exclaimed but Harry quickly made it out of the room throwing a "have a good weekend!" over his shoulder.

Nikki turned to Anton who was still following Harry with his gaze.

"Don't be bothered by him, it's his way…" Nikki said.

"His words don't bother me," Anton answered, "but the looks he gives you do."

"What do you mean?" Nikki asked.

"Never mind," Anton said, turning back to Nikki.

"Where are you staying?" Nikki asked him.

"I was hoping with you and otherwise I will find a hotel…" he answered.

"Oh…" Nikki said, "Well, I suppose you should come along then" and they both went home together.

They spent the Friday evening and Saturday talking and Nikki found that the spark she had felt for Anton in South Africa just didn't seem to be there in London. How this could be she just did not know. Anton was the same, she shouldn't be feeling any different but she found that she did feel different. Her feelings for Anton had changed. Yes, she liked him but love, no, that was gone. Whether it was due to being separated from Anton all these weeks or due to the concerns Nikki had when she left him, she didn't know. Nikki wondered if she ever could have loved him as much as she thought she did when already now it was over. It had been an infatuation with him and with South Africa and the infatuation was over, she could see that now.

For Anton things were different. He did not understand how her feelings could vanish like that so quickly. Then, when in the early afternoon on Sunday Nikki's phone rang and it was Harry asking her to come to an accident scene with him as he couldn't reach Leo, Anton got angry.

"Do you have to go?" Anton asked curtly, "Can't Dr Cunningham do this on his own?"

"Apparently it was a big collision and there are at least 4 casualties, I can't let him do this alone!"

"I'm sure he can deal with 4 casualties on his own." Anton said.

"I'm sure he can but he needs me… he needs help, so I'm going".

"So, you choose him over me? I always had a nagging feeling about him and how much he means to you."

'What?" Nikki said incredulously, "What do you mean? I'm not choosing anyone over you! This is work, Anton! It's how I pay my bills."

"This is not only work!" Anton retorted. "You and Harry have something, anyone can see that and you just can not say no to him."

"Yes!" Nikki replied hotly, "Harry and I do have something, we are a very good working team. I don't know what else you see but we are good friends too and as a colleague he needs me now and I'm off to help."

"He loves you, you know. And I suspect you care for him more than you say. I have always suspected that by the way you talked about him." Anton said bitterly.

"Oh, this is ridiculous!" Nikki exclaimed.

"Don't deny it, you and he have something going which means I have to make room." Anton continued.

"Seriously, Anton, I do not know how you can say this! There is nothing of… of that nature with Harry and me. Nothing! Just because I reject you it does not mean I have someone else on the side!"

Anton shrugged and shook his head. "You can deny it all you want, even if nothing has happened with you and him yet. It will happen and I do not intend to witness it. I will leave now, find a hotel and fly back to Cape Town tomorrow."

"Anton, please, can't we part as friends?" Nikki asked earnestly.

"I do not think so. You have betrayed me with your feelings for Harry!"

"I have no feelings like that for Harry, whatever you may say! He is my good friend and my colleague and that's that! I can't help it if you can not accept that. But you mention betrayal. I feel betrayed too, I felt like you betrayed me in South Africa, Anton, so the feeling of betrayal at least is mutual." Nikki said bitterly.

The looked at each other for a few minutes in silence, then Anton said, "Go. I will pack my things now and you will not see me again."

"So, this is it?" Nikki asked? Sad, but relieved in a way as well.

"Yes, this is it, Nikki" he said, then gathered her in a farewell embrace. "Goodbye".

"Goodbye, Anton" she whispered back and then left in a state of confusion, pondering all Anton had said.


	4. Presumptions

When she got to the accident scene she was greeted very curtly by Harry and a "Been having a good romp this weekend?" before heading straight to business and investigating the casualties in the pile up of an accident. As usual they worked very well together and after the row with Anton Nikki took great comfort in that. Still, working with him suddenly felt odd, with Anton's words of "He loves you" and "You care for him more than you say" still echoing in her head. Harry was curt in his assessments and seemed off temper as well, which she suspected was due to the work call on a Sunday afternoon when he doubtlessly had had other plans. Still, they were professional enough to get the job done well.

When they finished Harry said a brief, "See you tomorrow at the centre then" and without awaiting a reply, walked off.

Nikki ran after him, grabbed him by his arm so he had to turn back to her. "Harry, what's the matter, everything OK?"

"Oh yes, everything's fine!" he smiled, albeit slightly strained, "I'm just in a rush, that's all. Hot date."

"On a Sunday evening?" Nikki asked.

"Yes, why not? I like a weekend romp myself, you know. The stewardesses on the flight a few weeks ago were hard to forget," he grinned. "I'll see you tomorrow," he said again, patted her arm and turned to go.

"I wouldn't call my weekend a…" Nikki started.

"Please, spare me the details, Nikki!" he said turning back to her, "All I need to know is when you will be leaving for South Africa and Leo needs to know as well and that's that. Now, I really have to go!" he said hurriedly.

"Will you let me get a word in edgewise?" Nikki asked, exasperated.

Harry grinned, "Maybe tomorrow, I have more important things to attend to now" then turned away again and was off.

"Ha! Harry in love with me! You couldn't be more wrong, Anton! If only you knew about all of Harry's dates with 25 year old stewardesses!" she exclaimed to herself and stomped off to her own car to drive home. Anton was gone when she got there and yet her thoughts were filled of Harry and not Anton. To be precise, anger at Harry for assuming all sorts of things and not hearing her out! They had always been able to talk about all sorts of things in the past but now that somehow seemed impossible. That man really did have a temper and she decided he didn't deserve to know anything about her anymore if that was how he was going to act. All Anton had said about her and Harry, she pushed to the back of her mind as nonsense and concentrated on the anger she felt for Harry.

Nikki came in to work on Monday morning, serene and smiling while Harry came in with a frown and a dark temper.

"You're all cheerful this morning. The sex must have been great," he said darkly.

"Well, yours must have been awful judging by your temper," Nikki countered cheerfully, "Now shall we do the Johnson file before we start the post mortems on yesterday's crash victims?"

Harry grudgingly acquiesced and they got to work together with his mood lightening as the day progressed and they worked side by side pleasantly.

Just before they finished off for the day Nikki looked up from her desk at Harry sitting opposite her at his desk. He was intently studying her and when she asked him "What?" he said, "So, when is South Africa happening? Will you be going back together or will Anton go first?"

"He already left, we…" Nikki started

"Ah, already gone off to prepare things for you in South Africa, has he? He's such a good man." Harry interrupted.

Nikki, annoyed at his presumptions and not giving her a chance to explain anything, took this as her cue to get up, take her jacket and say sweetly, "That's for me to know and for you to find out in time" before walking out, wishing him a good evening and calling out a good bye to Leo in his office.


	5. Clarification

It was a week later when Leo called Nikki into his office while Harry was doing a post mortem in the cutting room.

As she sat down, Leo studied her carefully and said calmly but curiously, "Nikki, Harry tells me that you may be going to South Africa again? Are these really your plans? For how long? You are not thinking of leaving for good, are you?"

Nikki threw her hands up in the air, jumping up from her chair, "Harry is being a presumptuous git! He doesn't deserve to know anything! When did he say this to you?"

"This morning. Please sit down, Nikki. Listen, recently I have heard him mention South Africa to you a few times in passing and I have seen your evasive reactions and now hearing this, it makes me concerned."

"I'm sorry, Leo. I didn't mean to concern you!" Nikki said, sitting down opposite Leo again and reaching out for his hands that were on the table in front of him, trying to reassure him. "I am not going to South Africa, not with Anton and not alone either."

"But why let Harry think…" Leo started.

"Harry is assuming all sorts of things and wouldn't give me a chance to explain anything and now he just doesn't deserve to know! Anton and I broke up when I left South Africa. When he came here 10 days ago it confirmed to me for sure that I had done the right thing in breaking up with him. He isn't for me and as for South Africa, I will forever and ever cherish it in my heart but it isn't home anymore. I am staying here."

Leo leaned back and studied Nikki for a moment before smiling, "I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear you say that! And I think Harry should know this too. It's driving him mad, thinking you'll be leaving."

"Ha! All he really wants is his curiosity satisfied and I won't give him that pleasure if he's being such a presumptuous git!" Nikki countered.

"Nikki…" Leo interjected calmly, "Tell him and if you don't I will. You have to make things right because it is putting a strain on all of us and our work if you prolong this."

"I know…" Nikki said. "I just wish he'd be more concerned about… well, me and not just about when I am supposed to be buggering off."

"He is concerned about you." Leo said.

"Ha! Well, if he is, he's got an odd way of showing it!"

"Nikki, just talk to him and make things right, OK?"

Nikki nodded. "Alright, I'll speak to him later."

"Good. And I'm so relieved to know you'll be staying!" Leo smiled.

"Me too," Nikki said, smiling back. "You are home to me," she said as she stood up, kissed Leo's cheek and left the room.

Nikki went in search of Harry an hour later. She found him in the locker room, recently showered and dressed again after the post mortem he'd just performed. She had wanted to tell him calmly about her staying in London but seeing him, even if only with his back towards her, made her all prickly. Instead of calmly saying what she'd come to say, she found herself accusing him with "Harry, what on earth gave you the right to tell Leo I'm leaving for South Africa?"

Harry swung around to face her. "Ah, he's spoken with you, has he? I thought I'd make things easier for you."

"Well, that hasn't bloody worked. Will you please keep out of my business? You just complicate everything!" she snapped.

"What, he's angry with you now?" Harry asked inquisitively.

"No, he isn't, he knows all he needs to know and has told me to tell you as well that I will not be going to South Africa. So, here I am telling you now that I'm not going to South Africa. Not that you deserve to know! Satisfied?" she exclaimed and turned around, wanting to walk out again but Harry was quick. He was at her side in three large steps, grabbed her by the arm, swinging her around to him so hard that she hit her hand against the locker that was there to the right of her.

"Ouch," she muttered but Harry didn't seem to notice.

"Not going to South Africa?" he asked incredulously, studying her face.

"That's right," she said, defiantly looking him in the eye.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, still not letting go of her arm.

She wriggled free and said, "Because you were being a presumptuous git and wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise, so I figured you didn't deserve to know!"

He threw his head back and laughed bitterly, "So, it's all my fault, is it? You were the one saying you're in love with Anton! In my place what would you have thought?"

"I would have thought to actually ask you the facts! All you were concerned about is when I would actually be buggering off!" she countered.

"Well, yes, I am your colleague and if the team is breaking up, I would want to know! You were mad at me for maybe going to America, didn't I have a right to know about you possibly going to South Africa? So yes, I was curious about when you'd be buggering off, yes!" he said heatedly.

"So, only interested in the bottom line, yes? You don't care one bit about what I was going through with Anton and I wanted to explain that to you before telling you about not going to South Africa. But you're not bloody interested in me or what's happening with Anton, all you want to know is how this would affect you and your career: is she buggering off or not, will I have to get used to a new colleague or not?" Nikki said angrily, turning to move away again.

Harry moved forward quickly and slammed his hand against the locker that was now behind her, trapping her close to him so she could not move away.

"OK, so tell me about Anton!" he hissed. He was so close their noses were almost touching. "Is he coming to London now with his girls?"

"Ha! And this tone of yours inspires confidence, does it? I'm not telling you!" Nikki exclaimed, still defiant.

They glared at each other for a split second before Harry suddenly crushed his lips to hers in a very passionate kiss. Nikki couldn't think, just accept and succumb to the kiss as he was probing her lips and opened her mouth with his tongue.

Then, almost as soon as it had begun, it was over. Harry jumped back as if he had received an electrical shock. Withdrawing the hand that had been trapping Nikki, he brushed it through his hair and muttered, "Jesus, Nikki, I'm sorry!"

Nikki, tears starting to shimmer behind her eyes, just stared at him incredulously. He held her stare for a moment before grabbing his jacket and quickly storming out of the locker room.

Nikki, still in shock, slid down to the floor and sat against the locker for a long while, hugging her knees, trying to make sense of what had just happened.

Nikki didn't know how long exactly she had been sitting there but it couldn't have been that long as her phone rang and it was a concerned Leo on the line.

"Nikki? Where are you?"

"In the locker room"

"What did you do to Harry?" he asked, "I thought you were going to make things right with him? He has stormed out saying he needed the rest of the afternoon off, that working with you was 'bloody killing him' as he called it."

Nikki smiled bitterly. "Very fitting words for a pathologist," she muttered.

"Just make it right again, Nikki!"

"Look, I tried! I told him I wasn't going to South Africa just like you asked me to and we argued and…" but Nikki didn't finish telling him what had happened next.

Leo sighed, "Listen, I don't need the details. You just have a way of getting under his skin and something has gone wrong and it needs to be righted."

"What makes you think that I am the one that needs to make things right? He is the one being so… so… MALE!" she spat out.

Leo chuckled, "Apparently he gets under your skin too. Look, take the rest of the afternoon off as well. I'll hold the fort. Think things through and then talk to him." Nikki started to protest but Leo just continued on, "And don't you worry, I will call him and tell him to do the same thing and talk to you! It doesn't have to be this complicated, you know."

"I don't know why it is so complicated, Leo, but it really is!" Nikki sighed.

"Here I thought you going to South Africa would complicate things, I would never have dreamed that you not going would cause just as many difficulties…" Leo said.

"Yes, what is up with that?" Nikki asked, willing Leo to give her answers to questions she didn't dare ask herself.

"I think only you and Harry can answer that. And Nikki, it will take you and him being honest with yourselves and each other."

"What do you mean by that?" Nikki asked.

"Examine your heart; I don't think I can advise anything else. Now go home!" he ordered and hung up.

When she came back to her office to pick up her things Nikki saw Leo on the phone and heard him say angrily, "Harry, will you just go talk to her? Good golly, the two of you are acting like small children!" He looked at her apologetically for her hearing that but she just smiled resignedly and he continued on, for Harry's benefit as much as for Nikki's, "It's up to you two to make it right, so go ahead and do it!" Leo hung up. Nikki could see that he was doing all he could to keep his team happy. She waved at him and left.


	6. As we were

Nikki didn't want to examine her feelings too closely, she was afraid what she'd find there. All she could do was play over and over again in her mind what had happened with Harry in the locker room. She didn't dare let her thoughts stray any further than that. She didn't dare question why he had kissed her like that, she didn't dare dissect what it had meant to her, she just kept playing the scene over and over again in her mind. She knew she had to talk to Harry, if not for her own sake then at least for Leo's but she couldn't bring herself to call him. She sat staring at the phone for a long time, replaying the moments in the locker room over and over again in her mind. When had she dwelt so much on a kiss before, she found herself asking herself and then quickly pushed the thought away again.

She didn't know how long she had been sitting there, staring at her phone and thinking but when the doorbell suddenly rang, breaking the silence, she jumped. She looked at her watch, it was already 6 p.m.! She went to the door and there Harry was, studying her seriously.

"Hello Harry" she said as matter-of-factly as she could.

"Can we talk?" he asked and she nodded and let him in. No sooner had they entered the living room than he turned to her and immediately blurted out,

"Nikki, I owe you an apology! I shouldn't have done what I did. I shouldn't have scared you like that…"

"You didn't scare me…" Nikki said quietly, motioning for both of them to sit down and they did.

"The way you looked at me… your tears of shock… I'm sorry. I had no business…erm… kissing you when you are in love with… Anton."

"Harry…" Nikki tried to interrupt but he just continued on, "Actually, I had no business kissing you at all! We are friends and colleagues and it's just not what you do to a friend and colleague. I'm really sorry, I promised Leo I'd apologize to you and I hope we can put this behind us and just move on…" he blabbed on.

"Harry…" Nikki tried again but still she couldn't get a word in as he went on, "It was just that moment, you know, with tempers flying, it was instinctive, the only way I felt I could make you shut up, I guess. I was being a big bully and I'm so sorry," he finished, looked to his feet and fell quiet.

"Yes, you have used that tactic once before for shutting me up…" she said carefully.

"That was a long time ago," he added softly, looking back up at her.

"Mmm," Nikki agreed, it was her turn to study her toes.

"You have known me for 5 years, Nikki, and you know I have a temper and you can be so stubborn too and I guess that sometimes leads to explosions. I really do apologize," he said again.

"It's alright, Harry," Nikki said, looking at him again, "Don't worry about it. You are right, I was being stubborn. You bring that out in me somehow… I apologize as well for behaving as I have this past week or so."

They were both silent for a moment, looking at each other.

"So, friends again?" Harry asked.

"Yes…" she smiled, then got up and offered, "Would you like some coffee or tea?"

"Coffee please," he smiled and she went in to the kitchen to make the coffee and compose herself for a moment. Yes, Harry was making everything right again but she suddenly found herself wondering whether she wanted to go back to things as they were? She quickly pushed that thought aside again.

When she came back into the living room again, with Harry's coffee and her tea in hand she said,

"Harry, I never answered your question just before you… you know, kissed me."

"Erm, yes, I realize that," he said, busying himself with the sugar for his coffee.

"Anton isn't coming to London," Nikki said.

Harry's head snapped up to look at her questioningly. "He isn't?" he asked surprised.

"No," she answered and now she busied herself with the milk for her tea.

"Oh," he said and after a small silence added, "Why not?"

"Because I do not love him," she stated, looking Harry in the eye again

That statement seemed to take him aback somewhat.

"That's sudden, isn't it?" he asked.

"Not really," she said, "When he came to see me I realized how over we were. I think I was infatuated with him and the idea of South Africa but I have come back to reality now. Anton and South Africa are not what I want out of life," she finished.

"So what is it you do want out of life?" he asked, studying her carefully.

"I don't really know, but it's not Anton," she said, looking down at her cup of tea again, feeling cowardly as she said that because suddenly she was getting a very clear idea of what she wanted.

"Do you know what you want out of life?" she then quickly countered, looking up at Harry again, acting on a little flutter of hope that he might have something to say that she wanted to hear.

"Right now this minute?" he asked, humour creeping back into his voice again, "I wouldn't mind a bite to eat. Care to join me for a pub meal?"

Nikki tried to hide her disappointment as she quickly busied herself picking up the coffee and tea cups and said "Alright, let's go" as cheerfully as she could.

Anton was wrong; Harry was not in love with her. Despite how wonderfully he could kiss her.


	7. Not quite as we were

The next morning at work it was business as usual. After a nice dinner at the pub the evening before Nikki and Harry had parted with a kiss on the cheek and a "Glad we're friends again". Everything went back to how it had been with the small difference that Nikki finally allowed herself to feel for Harry what she had never dared admit before and what she even now was still trying to deny. She was in turmoil while on the surface she tried to appear as normal as possible. Harry didn't seem to be any different and she was determined to not seem different either.

When Leo came in that morning and saw the two of them discussing a case he studied them for a moment.

"Good morning Nikki and Harry! So, all is right again with the world?" he asked, looking eagerly from one to the other.

"Yes," they both replied in unison and smiled at him, before ducking right back into their DNA discussion again.

Leo stood studying them a moment longer, before shaking his head and walking to his office. "You two are hopeless," he muttered under his breath.

"Pardon?" Harry asked, catching the hopeless bit.

"Oh, nothing." Leo answered.

"Apparently something is hopeless but you don't care to share it with your esteemed colleagues?" Harry tried again.

"Alright," Leo turned to Harry and Nikki again. "You are hopeless!"

"Who? Me specifically?" Harry asked.

"Yes…you. Both of you!" Leo answered.

'What? We made up again, didn't we?" Nikki asked confused.

"Oh really, did you now?" Leo asked, looking from one to the other.

Nikki and Harry exchanged confused looks, Leo just shrugged his shoulders and went into his office.

"What's gotten into him?" Harry asked, turning to Nikki. Nikki, still looking after Leo, shrugged as well. "Beats me," she said, "Now, where were we?" and they continued pouring over the DNA samples in front of them.

Yes, they worked well together, Nikki concluded at the end of the day but still she could not shake the feelings off of the day before. When she went to the locker room to pick up a bag she had left there and found Harry there as well, she felt awkward seeing him there, almost in the same spot they had been in the day before. Their eyes locked and they looked at each other for a few moments in silence before Harry smiled. Where usually she'd expect a joke from him, he quietly said "Good night, Nikki" and headed out the door.

She leaned against a locker, put her hands up to her face and muttered to herself,

"Damn, damn, damn! I love him! Damn!" It was quite a shock to admit if for the first time out loud and she quickly clamped her hands over her mouth, blinking away the tears, knowing he would never feel the same for her. She took a few moments to compose herself again and then lost in thought she finally slowly made her way to the door.

Just as she reached for the handle, the locker room door opened in front of her and she bumped into Harry who was just walking in again.

"Oh, er, sorry!" she said, her heart skipping a beat and making her blush, trying to sidestep Harry. She couldn't look at him after the admission she had finally made to herself.

He just looked down at her but didn't make way. Instead, he stepped inside, making her back up into the room again.

"I really need to get home…" she started, trying to sidestep again, but he wouldn't let her continue and blocked her way.

"I think I now understand what Leo meant about me being hopeless, and possibly you too." Harry interrupted, "It's taken me all day to figure that one out."

Nikki, realizing he wouldn't let her leave just yet, took an extra few steps backwards, dropped the heavy bag she was holding, folded her arms defensively across her chest, cocked her head to one side and said with more brazenness than she felt,

"Alright. And I suppose you want to enlighten me on the subject right now?"

"In fact, I do," Harry smiled, albeit uncertainly and then, brushing his hand through his hair and looking at Nikki he said nothing for a few moments.

Nikki returned the steady look but feeling uncomfortable she quickly said a little impatiently, "Harry, if you're just going to stand there… I'm really off now. Good night."

She started to move forward again but it was as if Harry hadn't heard her as he continued looking at her intently and said,

"I have realized something recently, something that has always been there, simmering, but something I have never dared let surface. Until now."

The tone is his voice had changed, it sounded more… intimate. Nikki, not trying to move forward anymore, broke eye contact, looked down at her toes and said, "Oh and what has surfaced then?"

"What has surfaced," Harry said softly, taking two steps closer to Nikki and lifting her chin so she had to look up at him, "is that fact that I appear to be in love with you!"

"Oh?" was all Nikki could utter, her eyes growing large, "And… and when did this revelation come about?" she asked softly, trying to control the fluttering in her stomach that those words and the way Harry was looking at her caused.

"The moment I saw Anton kiss you. It made me realize I could lose you to him and to South Africa forever and the thought was… was… devastating!" he said searching her eyes, still holding her chin up.

"Oh," she said, not quite knowing where to go from here.

They gazed at each other for a moment longer before Harry slowly smiled, realizing she wasn't shocked or trying to get away anymore.

"Yes, so, I came back here wanting to take back my apology for kissing you yesterday as I have every intention of kissing you again," Harry said with a twinkle in the eye.

"Oh," Nikki said again still gazing at Harry, mesmerized, feeling stupid for not being able to think of anything else to say. Her whole body was tingling with anticipation when he finally slowly closed the small gap between them and planted a gentle kiss on her lips. She responded instantly, tasting his lips and melting against him, savouring the kiss. His arms slowly encircled her waist pressing her against him as she let her arms slide up around his neck, holding on to Harry and his lips for dear life, taking in his closeness, warmth, taste, smell.

When they finally broke apart for air, Harry huskily whispered, "What's taken us so long, mmm?"

"Silly sense of professionalism? Blindness?" Nikki muttered against his lips.

"Maybe," he smiled, planting another little kiss on her lips. "But also cowardice. I have been keeping you at arm's length for a long time, afraid to hurt you or disappoint you but I can't do it anymore. This is what Leo meant about us being hopeless. We should have done this ages ago!" he replied and then kissed her again with such great passion she was breathless.

Finally they drew apart, smiled at each other in wonder for a moment before Harry grabbed her hand and said, "Come on, let's get out of here!"

She giggled, "Where to?"

"My place, I think that's closest?" he suggested. She nodded happily as he dragged her with him to his car and to his flat where they continued what they had started in the locker room. They made love with a passion that had been pent up for 5 years.

When finally the first hunger for each other had been stilled and they were snuggling together, he whispered, "It took almost losing you to Anton for me to realize that I have loved you pretty much from the start!"

"It took you kissing me in the locker room yesterday to finally admit the same fact to myself!" she whispered back, trying to snuggle even closer.

"Ah yes, that locker room kiss. Now how did that go again?" Harry asked teasingly, pinning Nikki down and kissing her with the same passion. This time they didn't have to stop kissing and they didn't.

When a little while later they were lying beside each other again, breathless and laughing,

Nikki said, suddenly serious, "I always thought South Africa was home but I have come to realize that home to me is where you are, Harry." The words had slipped out unintentionally and she quickly added, "Oh, I'm sorry! I don't mean to sound like a stalker or anything!"

She was starting to sit up. Embarrassed, but Harry pulled her down and into his arms again. "You may stalk me any time, Nicola Alexander. In fact, I'll make it easy on you: move in with me!"

"Harry! So soon!" she exclaimed, lifting herself up to lean on his chest and look at him in wonder.

"It's taken 5 years, why waste more time?" he asked gently.

She looked at him, still a little uncertain.

"Do we really want to be carrying overnight bags to and fro every day, now that we know

how… compatible… we are?" he asked teasingly.

A smile slowly started to spread across her lips as she said, "And here you were telling me not too long ago that you had no idea how to get what you wanted out of life half the time!"

"So, what do you say?" he asked earnestly, ignoring her remark. "Or I could move in with you?"

By now Nikki was smiling broadly and threw herself back into Harry's arms, "I say I want to spend every moment I can with you! So, yes, I will move in with you anywhere."

He heaved a sigh of relief. "Excellent!" he said joyously. "Move in here, it's bigger."

They grinned at each other like idiots.

When Leo came in to work the next morning, he immediately sensed the different atmosphere between his colleagues but at first couldn't pinpoint exactly what was going on. And then, halfway through the morning, he saw the secret bottom pinch that Harry gave Nikki and Nikki's loudly whispered response of "will you stop it and stay professional, Dr. Cunningham!" while grinning at Harry, her whole face lighting up. This little interaction finally gave it away for sure.

He walked in to them and said joyously, "Well, it's about bloody time!"

"What is?" Harry asked innocently.

"The two of you getting together!" Leo grinned, slapping Harry on the back and giving Nikki a quick kiss on the cheek. Nikki and Harry exchanged surprised but happy glances. "Congratulations! Not so hopeless after all…" he added and they both laughed and thanked him.

"You're welcome," he said and then added, "And now can one of you go down to this address, there's been a shooting."

Harry smiled and took the slip of paper, planted a quick kiss on Nikki's lips and was off. Business as usual, but not quite the same as it had been.

Nikki was happy, in love and at home where she belonged.


End file.
